Hahaha….Great way to launch into Monday. I needed to come up with a good topic for Sheena and with all the silly press around Lindsey Lohan, I couldn’t resist. lol Thanks for making me laugh Sheena! :)  The disclaimer reads: “Sheena’s Weekly Rant is meant for entertainment purposes only and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of all Shoebizness contributors. Here on Shoebizness we like to highlight all different perspectives….  -Julia

CELEBUTARD INSPIRED FOOTWEAR

Julia wanted to give me creative topic this week since I have been absent the last few weeks. You know how it goes; traveling and rants just don’t mix. Anyhow, the premise is this; I am to give each tragic celebrity she’s listed for me a specially designed shoe in our line. Not that this would happen, but if it was here’s how it would go down:

Lindsay Lohan – Since she is so in the public eye right now this is very fitting. I would have to use her alleged alcohol and cocaine abuse and the core of my inspiration. Sprinkle on some jail time and you have a pump that would be described like so:

The “Swamp Donkey” Patent peep-toe pump with jailbird inspired stripes complete with vodka bottle shaped heel and hidden compartment in sole. Suggested retail $13.13

Lady Gaga – Her ambivalence to normality make her a perfect inspiration for outrageous footwear.

The “Nut Crusher” a black leather bootie with a self covered wedge and 2 inch steel spikes protruding from the toe. Sexual predators beware! Suggested retail $999.99

Kate Gosselin – She is gross, uncool and super lame.

The “Paunch” A mini wedge sandal adorned with a huge distressed leather flap over the vamp.  Suggested retail $6.66

Mel Gibson – he is pretty much everything at this point. Poor guy.

The “SS” boot. Nazi inspired combat boot. Suggested retail $187.00

Heidi Montag – This walking Barbie doll can only bring one thought to mind; stripper and or prostitute.

The “Hummer” Fuchsia patent PU pump with 6” heel and 3” platform. Heel is 100% faux Lucite. Suggested retail $80.08

Snookie – Class was undefined until this tan little nugget came onto our screens.

The “Easylay” Red patent pointy toe pump with a 4” covered heel. Complete with vomit stain design on toe. Suggested retail $00.01

So come see my new Celebutard Collection at Platform, it’s sure to be a hit and will be in your nearest Kitson store this fall.